No Bad Feelings

All Emotions are neutral, but they don’t all feel neutral

Anger, sadness, happiness, defeated, overwhelmed, excited, nervous, elated, relaxed, renewed.

These are all beautiful, vibrant, strong emotions. They show up in our body in several different places. For example, you might feel your anger in your head and in your jaw. Happiness is generally felt in the stomach and the chest and expresses itself in a smile. Relaxed usually feels light and flowy in a few places, for me it’s on the top of my head.

What these emotions don’t have in common, however, is the level of comfort we experience when we feel them.

Emotions are morally neutral. This may seem controversial, but it’s true. To feel anger is no more or less moral than to feel joy. Of course, joy feels better, but it isn’t better. It’s just another side of an emotional spectrum.

Let me show you.

On one end of this spectrum, we have anger.  On another end, we have joy. These aren’t inherently opposites, but let’s just go with it for now.

Anger -----------------------------------------------Joy

See how each end holds a strong emotion? That’s where the emotions feel the most intense.

Then, each dash holds an emotion that might feel closer to joy or closer to Anger. We could see Frustrated in this spectrum, or we could see apathy in the middle, or we could see annoyed or closer to joy someone might be feeling amused or humored.

So there is a lot that could be happening between the two ends of the spectrum.

Each emotion might be intense or slight in your body, based on how you experience it. It might feel familiar, like you have it all the time, or new, like you’ve never felt it before. I like to label emotions as comfy or uncomfy. They’re either something we like, something we’re not sure of, or something we don’t like.

All of that to say, no emotion is bad. No emotion holds a moral stance. You cannot be evil for feeling anger, the same way you can’t be good for feeling joy. Each feeling is simply energy passing through our bodies.

Each emotion is morally neutral, but not every emotion feels neutral.

When you’re feeling an uncomfortable emotion, try to imagine that your body is a pinball machine. The ball is the emotion, and your body is the machine. When the ball, the emotion, gets really intense, it is pinging around in your body and lighting you up. In the game of pinball, you want to keep the ball up in the lights and sounds of the board, and consistently dinging around. With an emotion, you might want to keep it up there, like if you’re happy. But if the emotion is uncomfortable, you have power over that too. You stop playing the game, the ball drops, the game ends. Same with emotions. You stop doing what is contributing to the emotion, the emotion wanes, and you move on with your day. It is possible to let the emotion pass and then move forward. You aren’t ignoring it, shoving it down, pretending you don’t have it. You’re just letting it take its course and pass through you, and then letting it go.

When you’re feeling an uncomfortable emotion, try to imagine that your body is a pinball machine.

The ball is the emotion, and your body is the machine. When the ball, the emotion, gets really intense, it is pinging around in your body and lighting you up. In the game of pinball, you want to keep the ball up in the lights and sounds of the board, and consistently dinging around. With an emotion, you might want to keep it up there, like if you’re happy. But if the emotion is uncomfortable, you have power over that too. You stop playing the game, the ball drops, the game ends. Same with emotions. You stop doing what is contributing to the emotion, the emotion wanes, and you move on with your day. It is possible to let the emotion pass and then move forward. You aren’t ignoring it, shoving it down, pretending you don’t have it. You’re just letting it take its course and pass through you, and then letting it go.

Not every emotion passes quickly, but it does pass. It might not feel great, but it passes.

For tips on how to let these emotions pass through you, check out my other blog posts. If you want to learn more about therapy where I can teach you these techniques, reach out and we’ll set up a consultation.